New Year!

Every year, around this time, I sit and have a little ponder about the coming year. I usually wind up with a few resolutions – lose weight/keep the weight off, be nicer to myself and try to hold on to my marbles. That sort of thing. When I was younger, get a boyfriend used to be on the list, but now I’m married that seems a bit excessive!

This year, however, I’ve been thinking less about resolutions and more about what I’d like to try and do differently. The things that have floated to the top of my consciousness are all a bit different to usual – much less measurable, but probably things that will be better for me in the long run.

1. I am going to try and dress more smartly. I work in an office where it’s acceptable to show up in tracksuit bottoms (or at least, one member of staff thinks so, and no one has told him otherwise) and my standard of dress is slipping increasingly into jeans and a jumper every day. Nothing wrong with that, but I feel better about myself when I’m dressed smarter. My self-esteem and confidence goes up – and the higher my heels the more I feel like I can conquer the world. I’m 5 11” in flats, and the boys I work with are all about 5 8”. They don’t know my brain is full of fog half the time and I’m not letting on as I’m still better at my work than they are. After all, as the song says – you can be as brave as you make believe you are!



2. I am going to try and ease off with the perfectionism. I’m not going to be able to completely let go on this front because it’ a huge part of who I am, but I’m going to work harder at not being so mean to myself when I can’t achieve everything. I’m not up to it, and beating myself up about something can’t physically achieve does not help my health. I guess this is part of a bigger aim…
   


3. Acceptance. The holy grail of those with health conditions. I need to get better at working with my body, rather than against it. I think I’ve got a bit better over the last year, but I think it might need to improve some more! I also suspect that I could use the spoons I do have more wisely – less on ex wives and politics at work and more on looking after myself, the kids and Dave, and trying new things to ake me feel better. Including preparing more for appointments…
   


4. Socialising – I need to say “yes with a caveat” more, and “no - just in case” less. I’ve proved, mostly, that I can make more things than I think I can, and the people I see now tend to be ones who’ve either met me post creaks or love me through them. I am who I am and I still love company. My friends that are left don’t mind too much that I’m flakey.
   


5. Work – I’m going to attempt to not let the nonsense there get to me so much. I need to separate some of the emotion and energy from what I do at work and focus it elsewhere – not entirely sure where else it’s going to go just at the moment but as circumstances dictate that I can’t leave my job, I need to find a way to make things there better. A work in progress!
   

None of these things are particularly measurable, but I think they seem to be good things to aim for. I shall endeavour to apply the 2nd one to all of these as well – if I don’t succeed, there is always next year….