Spurred on by the latest chronic babe blog carnival prompt, I’ve been thinking about my plans for the summer. Mostly I’d like to be more organised, but there are too many external factors for that I think!
Generally of late though, I’ve been feeling the need to try and spring clean. Not particularly my house (I gave up on that sort of thing some time ago) but my life and my mind.
It started when I started to think about cutting my hours at work from five days a week to four – I realised that I couldn’t carry on the way I had been, which necessitated a change in the way that I was thinking. I need to unstick some of the patterns in my head that were/are stuck going round in a big negative whirl – all the stuff about not being good enough and not achieving and the frustration that comes with that because I’m not acknowledging me, now. My mind is stuck 10 years ago in some weird place I didn’t like at the time, and still don’t!
So my tentative plan for this summer is to be nice to me. To be gentle to myself – but also to try and stand up a bit more for what I would like, and what is helpful to me and my health. Constantly rolling over because I don’t want a fight conserves energy in the short term but makes me feel pretty rubbish longer term and that isn’t helping, given that often I end up doing things I know I don’t have enough spoons for, and that stress makes my health worse!
So to that end, I have developed a little plan. A little list of things that I’m going to start doing that should hopefully put me on the path to feeling better about stuff.
1) I am going to find as many vouchers as I can for spas - and use the things. There’s nothing like complete relaxation and sitting very still for a bit to make all the bad things float away.
2) I am going to start trying to be more aware of my thoughts and my feelings about things. If I can notice when I start to think the weird things, perhaps I will be on the route to stopping thinking them!
3) I am going to investigate, sign up to and start going to a Pilates class. The physio says I should. The OT says it might help. The WW ladies think so too, from a different angle. Everyone says that it will be good for me, but I’ve been resisting ages now and I don’t really know why. It is a silly fear and I should just get on with it!
4) I will chase (and hopefully get) my appointment with the geneticist. Tired of having half a label that may not be mine now, I want to go back to knowing one thing or another.
5) I am going to make Dave and the kids understand the difference between “on” and “in” the dishwasher. It’s so close and it makes such a difference!
6) I am going to enjoy my holiday to Cornwall and I am going to breathe in the cold (I live in England!) salty air on the coast, and it will fix me. It will feel like going home and the crashing of the waves will make me feel peaceful inside. I will sunbathe in coats under blankets, and introduce the kids to hedgehog ice creams (Imagine an ice cream cone with Cornish clotted cream ice cream, smothered in clotted cream, rolled in hazelnuts. Heart attack territory, but the best thing you’ve ever eaten!). I will sneakily drink from the stream that I’m not supposed to because it tastes of childhood holidays. I will have baths and let Dave cook. I will take piles of books with me that I will fall asleep half way through. I will, in short, relax.
7) I will also clean my fridge. Small things.
I’ve just realised what a really random list that is – back and forth all over the place. Mostly though, I’m going to try to be happier, and as healthy as I can be.
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